How to Help Your Child Cope With a Move Abroad

One night, my husband and I were sitting on the couch, talking about what we might be looking for in our next home. How many bedrooms? Yard size? What city?

After some discussion, my husband asked, “What do you think about moving to Australia?”

It wasn’t a totally out-there question. We live in Southern California, but he grew up in Sydney—and he’s always liked the idea of one day moving back to his childhood continent. I liked the idea, too.

We discussed visas and potential new jobs. Moving is always a lot of work, but I thought going across the globe seemed fun and exciting. A new adventure.

But then we started to factor in our kids.

With three little ones under 5, even just going to the grocery store is a logistical, and physical, challenge. What would it take to move us all 8,000 miles?

What Experts Say About Moving Abroad

Hannah Samaha, PhD, a child psychologist in Jacksonville, Florida, agrees that moving with kids to another country can be tricky. “While a domestic move can be tough, international moves tend to involve more disruption to daily routines, greater loss of familiarity, and more time before things feel ‘normal’ again,” she says.

She speaks from experience, having moved her own family (including a then 4-year-old and an infant) to Japan.

Theanna Bischoff, PhD, a registered psychologist in Calgary, Canada, agrees that transitions of any kind can be especially difficult for children, as kids do well with structure and routine. “A move can disrupt their routines and familiarity,” she says. Dr. Bischoff speaks from personal experience as well, having moved from Scotland to Canada with an infant.

Still, Dr. Samaha says moving certainly has benefits, especially for children. Settling in a new country can build flexibility, social skills, and coping skills, she says—in addition to whatever professional, financial, or social benefits inspired the move.

Emotions Children Might Feel When Moving Abroad

Dr. Samaha says children, like adults, often feel a mix of emotions when moving to a new home, both positive and negative. “They might feel excited about exploring new places, trying different foods, and attending a new school,” she explains. “At the same time, they may experience fear, uncertainty, and sadness.”

Those feelings, she says, can be heightened when a child is moving internationally. “A move abroad usually comes with more unknowns—new languages, customs, and time zones—which can be overwhelming,” Dr. Samaha explains.

Emotions Can Vary by Age

Every child is different, but Dr. Samaha says children often respond differently depending on their age.

“Younger children may not fully understand the move ahead of time, but they may feel the changes deeply once they arrive,” she says. “For example, my infant was mostly unaffected aside from some intense jet lag. But my 4-year-old, who was excited before we moved to Japan, had several months of intense meltdowns after the transition. Her world shifted, and she didn’t yet have the words to express her grief or confusion.”

Dr. Bischoff agrees that the younger the child, the less likely they are to be unsettled by a family move. She explains that her daughter was 10 months old when she finished an expat assignment in Scotland and moved back to her home country of Canada.

“She didn’t even know what was happening,” Dr. Bischoff says of her daughter, noting that an infant’s world is focused on their parents, rather than social connections outside the immediate family.

Meanwhile, Dr. Samaha says that older children and teens may experience more anticipatory grief, such as sadness, worry, or anger in the time leading up to the move.

“The older a child is, the more socially anchored they tend to be,” Dr. Samaha explains. “Friendships are often central to teens’ identity, so leaving friends behind can feel like a major loss.”

Addressing Concerning Behavioral Changes

Kids show grief and stress in different ways, Dr. Bischoff says, and some may exhibit difficult or troubling behavior both before or after a move. “Some children might even show anger at you, the parent, for initiating the move,” she explains, noting that they may say things like, “‘If you make me move, I’m never talking to you again!’”

Dr. Bischoff says that, both in the lead up to the move and after, parents can act as emotional coaches for their children by naming and validating their feelings. She urges parents to share their own feelings about the move (in developmentally appropriate ways), normalizing emotions like anxiety or overwhelm.

But she says it’s important to watch for continued symptoms such as prolonged sadness, irritability, changes in sleeping, eating, and weight. If a child exhibits these symptoms, she suggests parents seek professional help. “A child psychologist can help monitor the child’s reaction to the big change and see if the adjustment is proceeding in a healthy way,” she says.

Things to Do Before Your Move Abroad

Leading up to the move, Dr. Samaha advises parents to talk about moving in a way that balances honesty and optimism.

She says it’s important to build excitement by showing the child videos and photos of the new location and suggests looking up parks, animals, local foods, or activities that match their interests. “Give them a peek into everyday life: their new school, neighborhood, grocery store, or playground,” she says. “That familiarity can be grounding.”

Dr. Bischoff recommends connecting with new neighbors or parents of kids who go to a child’s new school. If the family visits their new city before moving for good, it might be possible to tour the child’s new school or meet their teacher, so the child has some exposure ahead of time.

Through it all, Dr. Samaha says it’s important to maintain your family’s everyday routines and structure in the weeks and months leading up to the move. “They still need bedtimes, screen limits, and gentle boundaries—these things help them feel safe,” she says. “They don’t just need freedom to feel—they need stability to process those feelings.”

Tips for Easing the Transition

The weeks and months preparing for a move can be difficult, but so is travel day. Actually getting to the new location likely requires plane travel, new time zones, crowded spaces, and other factors that can be hard for anyone, especially a child.

Dr. Samaha says travel can stress kids out and recommends stocking up on comfort items, like treats, cozy blankets, favorite toys and books, and for parents not to feel guilty about kids having extra screen time.

“The travel day itself is stressful, but it’s only a small part of the overall transition,” Dr. Samaha says. “Try to keep the big picture in mind: the goal isn’t to have a perfect travel day, it’s to help your family land gently and start settling into your new life.”

Things to Do After Your Move

Once your family has arrived in the new home country, Dr. Samaha says one of the best ways to help a child adjust is to build community as quickly as possible. She recalls her own family’s big move, saying that once they arrived in Japan, she prioritized making friends and connections. “I even knocked on neighbors’ doors the day we moved in—which was way out of my comfort zone—but it made us feel more secure quickly,” she says.

She adds that creating routines for a child, as quickly as possible, is key. “Enroll your child in school or summer camp as soon as the jetlag has mostly subsided,” she says. “Sign them up for a familiar activity like soccer or dance to help bridge the gap.”

Dr. Bischoff also recommends keeping as many of your old family routines and habits as possible, such as the same bedtime or morning routines and cooking familiar meals. “This can help a child find some familiarity and stability amidst all the changes,” she says.

In the meantime, Dr. Samaha advises parents to set a consistent time each week to call or video call loved ones at home. “It gives them something to look forward to,” she explains.

Handling New Languages

Moving is hard enough without a language barrier, but when families move internationally, children may find themselves immersed in a new language.

If this is the case, Dr. Samaha says to acknowledge the challenge and help the child with small wins: learning greetings, recognizing signs, or practicing new words through fun apps or games. “Help them feel capable in small ways, and celebrate progress as it comes,” she says.

Managing Parental Stress

Dr. Samaha acknowledges that moves aren’t just hard on the kids, they’re difficult for the parents, too. She says that when her family moved, the biggest challenge came in the first few months of living in her new home. “I was far more affected by the culture shock, jetlag, and loss of familiarity than I expected,” she says. “Parenting during that time—when I didn’t feel grounded myself—was exhausting.”

She says that stress is inevitable, and there isn’t always time for self-care. In that case, she recommends simple mood-boosters that don’t require much time or energy. “Try incorporating music, outdoor time, movement, or connecting with others, even briefly. Give yourself the same empathy you offer your kids, and remind yourself: this season will pass.”

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Source: https://www.parents.com/how-to-help-your-child-cope-with-a-move-abroad-11780813