“Just Sort of Treading Water”: Qualitative Study of the Lived Experiences of Romantic Partners of Diplomats

Career sacrifice, identity disruption, and the hidden work performed by accompanying partners

Expanded Overview

This qualitative study focuses on a group that is often present in international mobility but rarely treated as an independent population: the romantic partners of diplomats. Eleven participants described the benefits and difficulties of accompanying employees of the United Kingdom’s Foreign, Commonwealth and Development Office to overseas posts.

Participants valued the opportunity to live in different countries, encounter new cultures, and sometimes spend more time with their children. Yet these advantages existed alongside significant professional and emotional costs. Most participants had interrupted or abandoned their own careers, and many found that local visa restrictions, language barriers, qualification recognition, or limited labor markets prevented them from finding suitable work.

Career disruption affected more than income. Employment had previously provided structure, competence, recognition, independence, and a sense of identity. When that role disappeared, some partners felt invisible or dependent, even though their unpaid support helped make the employee’s assignment possible. The phrase “treading water” captures the feeling of waiting while the employed partner continued to accumulate experience and career progress.

The study also highlights the organizational dimension of family relocation. Participants often felt that the employer recognized the employee but not the partner’s sacrifice. Those sent to hardship locations reported inadequate preparation, and some encountered unsafe or potentially traumatic situations without sufficient follow-up support.

The authors recommend that organizations provide meaningful pre-departure preparation, partner career guidance, education and employment information, wellbeing monitoring, and explicit recognition of accompanying partners. The article shows that partner support is not an optional benefit: it is part of assignment sustainability, family stability, and employee performance.

Practical Relevance for Relocation

• Discuss the identity and career cost of relocation, not only the financial package.
• Ask employers about work authorization, partner career services, training, and mental-health support.
• Provide post-arrival and post-crisis follow-up for every family member, not only the employee.

Source

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2590291125002591